Connection

I didn't want to overload my page with beauty tips/reviews, and this topic has been floating in my mind for a few days now. So, let's talk about "connections".

Connections can come in many forms. For most, a connection means a relationship with a person. And yes, that is true, but according to the official definition a "connection" can be either:
1.) a relationship with a person, thing, or idea.

2.) an action of linkage.

A relationship with a person, thing, or idea. This is the primary definition of a connection. Whether that means what I believe Cameron Dallas and I share as a "connection" due to what I continue to put in my head as a safe place per say, or the actual connection I have/had with someone near and dear to my soul. Yes, I did say Cameron Dallas and I, as if it is a real thing. Yes, people will laugh and judge me for ever about this, but it is true... everyone has different ways of coping, mine was to believe a Vine star and I were close. I obviously didn't say Justin Bieber, ha in my dreams, but it is something that could potentially happen, or at least wishful thinking.

Most of you who know my family or myself know my crazy love story, but for those who don't, I'll give you the very very short and simple version:

Growing up, my family and our best friends family would go on vacation together every fall break. One year's vacation, when I was 13, we met a few guys from Washington... these guys were around our sisters age, but we all still became close. Once the cruise was over, we continued to keep in touch. One day one of the guys "introduced" me to his younger cousin who was my age through Myspace. Oh, Myspace days.

We instantly hit it off. He was my best friend. He was right after Tom on my top 8... serious stuff, man. We talked every day. All day. With being 3 hours in time difference, it never stopped us. His friends became my friends. My friends became his friends. It was a weird sight.

A few years had rolled by, and the only communication we had was over the phone... but Christmas changed that when we both got webcam (laptops didn't have them already built in at the time). This made things so different, but a good different. We would have them on all the time... even when we weren't technically talking. I would be cleaning my closet, he would be fixing a table. He would be playing video games, I would be reading. Distance wasn't an issue because we were right there. We lifted each other up through God and through love. Gifts were sent back and forth with each other, fights were started, and jealousy rolled back and forth, but we always seemed to manage through it.

Time and time again, plans would fall through of coming together... as mad as I would be, looking back I know God was saving our hearts from doing so at such a young age. Just last year we applied to the same college in Arizona, both got accepted, but again, God knew what He was doing when He chose different schools for us to attend. Still, our connection was there... is there. We can go months without talking, pick up the phone to call or FaceTime, and nothing changes... whether his hard head believes it or not, nothing will change between us. Maybe God will bring us together one day, I pray it everyday, but loving someone is letting them do what they believe is best to do. That is connection. Bold and in italics.

An action of linkage. Though this pertains to an actual linkage such as a bracelet clasp, braiding three strands of hair, or tying your shoe laces... it can go towards much deeper things that we take for granted: holding hands, locking eyes with a stranger or loved one, or even the feeling of a song that fits perfectly to what is going on in your life.

Holding hands is taken for granted so so often. You don't think anything of it than just being there with someone... but that's exactly what you're doing... being there. Right in that moment, right with that person, right in that place. You'll never have a moment like that again, sure you can do it again, but the same effects won't be present. The wind won't blow the same speed, your heart will beat a different beat, you won't be standing in the exact same position, your mind will be in a complete different zone, nothing will be the same. Most people just do this out of habit or obligation. This simple act can mean so much more than just, "oh here we go again, take my hand in yours...", it's a moment of safety, a moment of warmth. Next time you go to hold hands with your partner, truly be in that contact connection. 

Locking eyes. This, again, is something we don't think of. Sometimes we think it is awkward or embarrassing depending on who we share looks with, but other times it is a romantic gesture. Have you ever walked down through the mall or an airport, or even just at Walmart or on campus, and see someone you haven't seen before, but have that eye contact for more than 2 seconds... they smile, you smile back, then instantly feel weird that you had to experience that moment. That happens to all of us... but it doesn't have to be dreadful. You never know what looking someone in the eyes and smiling or greeting can mean. You could have the worst day so far, see a child smile at you as if nothing is wrong, and you remember that everything isn't as bad as you think. Just because you don't know them and they don't know your story, doesn't mean sharing eyes can be awkward. Sharing eyes with your partner is a different story. In movies you can tell that is the fairytale scene... gazing into the person of your dreams, being only in that moment. Yes, it looks special. Seeing the grooms face as his bride walks down the isle... yes, it looks special. So, when you find that person you can gaze into their eyes, into their heart, and into their mind... keep them and don't let go!

A song speaks a thousand thoughts. I truly believe this. A song can be words that were never said. I know we have all heard those songs that take us back to certain times in our lives, songs that make us remember certain smells or a food, but have you ever had a song that no matter what mood you were in or what was going on in your life- it was the only thing there for you or that could make things better? If you haven't yet, you will. Music connects people from all around the world to be in the same moment. Everybody goes through the same things, whether you see or believe that or not, but music is the true example of that. Seeing artists pour their heart out into a melody is such a beautiful sight, but when they are singing in front of an audience, stop singing and point the mic to the crowd to hear thousands of fans singing the same words in sync is what is powerful. Whether the song connects to you or your situation, the artist connects with your tastes, or everyone being together connecting to the melody... a song speaks.

As 2016 rolls in, I challenge you to truly be in every moment you are in contact or connection with. Step out of your box! Get uncomfortable! Have new experiences! This world is too big and memorable to just be stuck in one place staring at the same four walls. Make those resolutions and truly achieve them. Don't let a moment pass you by... disconnect from habits and stay connected with the world.

Xoxo.

Miracle Eyebrows Threading Review

I know, I know, two reviews in a row... but I had to share my first time experience with THREADING.

For those who haven't heard of "threading", instead of using hot wax and a strip to remove the hair, these artistic ladies use a string of thread instead. I had heard of this crazy technique before but was too much of a wimp to try it... today I stepped out of my box. I mean, I did tell myself in 2016 that I would try new things, right?! Though this isn't much, it's a start.

** The photo on the bottom was before, obviously, look at those ugly caterpillars... the top is after... excuse the makeup that I cried off...... **

While I was sitting in the waiting area of Miracle Eyebrows, watching the ladies work on other clients, I was amazed at how easily they were doing this process. They would take about a foot long of string out, bite half of it, twist the rest, and went to town on the eyebrows with the twisted end. They were so fast, but so precise. I was beginning to get nervous when it was time for me to go. Lying down in the chair, the woman told me how to hold my hands: one pulling my forehead up and the other pulling my eyelid down... this makes the skin tight to thread, but also to show where she is threading.

So, it began... and it was nothing at all how I imagined. I thought they did one hair at a time... no no. It felt as if a razor or knife was scratching against my skin... over, and over, and over. They did a row at a time, then went back to individual hairs left. With my teeth cringed together and my eyes crying an entire ocean, I was debating to myself if I could continue with the pain. Ladies, we all know, beauty is pain. As the threading continued, I got used to the feel of it, especially by the time she switched eyes. I, then, actually liked the feeling. Would I do it again? Sure. Would I do it every time? No. But it definitely was a cool experience. I would at least recommend others to try it for the heck of it. It was $15, when my normal waxing at the nail salon is $12. Not a bad deal.

Here's to new experiences, starting off with my new eyebrows are that are officially back on fleek ;)

Xoxo.

NYX Review!

Just wanted to post a small post today with just a review!

So, today, I had a $3.50 off coupon for Ulta... which considering that doesn't help hardly at all, it HAS to be used, right?! Plus, it gives an excuse to buy more makeup, of course ;)

After looking at what all it excluded, (which was basically everything in the store and more...) I saw that NYX wasn't on the excluded list. I adore NYX, it is such a greatly priced brand that is greatly overlooked, just like ELF. I had in my mind to go in and get a new brush from Real Techniques, but when I saw the NYX isle, I had to at least look. The first thing that caught my eye was this new liquid eyeliner: "The Curve". As all of us makeup freaks do, I practiced a wing on my hand before actually buying it while I walked around day dreaming about all of the other products in the store... my hand wing was like sharpie... I tried to wipe it off, no no. I even went over to the IT Cosmetics station and tried their curve liner next to the NYX on my hand and they were so similar, it was ridiculous.

I made my decision.

NYX was me.

Usually NYX doesn't go over $10, though this was $14, it was definitely worth it. I'm obsessed already! The application was a lot easier than I imagined with the new way to hold the pen. As you can see, your hand will just automatically fit in the curve to have a straight way to the eye lid. It will take a few tries to get it right, but once you do, there's no going back!

I'm so happy with this liner and will recommend it to anyone and everyone! Great price. Great product. Great wing.

Btw: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Make your resolutions, keep them, conquer them. This is not only a new year, but it can be YOUR year if you are motivated and dedicated enough. I am here for anyone with anything. I am definitely sticking to my New Years resolutions, though they may be drastic, the stronger- the better!

Be safe, but don't forget to slay and have fun! :)

Xoxo.

A Prayer for 2016

Father in Heaven,

I want to start off by first thanking You for all that You have done in my life, and thank You especially for 2015. It definitely was a year. I know I take so much for granted and try my hardest to take full control over my life instead of trusting You and handing You the pen to my story. I officially hand You the pen as 2016 comes ringing in.

Forgive me, Father, for all of the sins that have filled my soul. Forgive me for knowing better but still choosing the wrong decision anyway. I know I am not perfect, nor will I ever be or even attempt to be, but know I do understand my actions and my consequences, even if I don't think about them at the time. I pray that You wash me clean from them. Forgive me for my past sins and the sins I will commit in the future.

You have blessed me so many times in my lifetime and continue to bless me on the daily basis. I pray You continue to guide me on this path that You have paved out for me. You have recently released me onto this path and though I am still shaky, I know You are walking right there beside me. You have broken me down and rebuilt me, for that I am forever grateful. I never understood what You were doing in my life, I will never understand what You do in my life, but it is truly an amazing work of art that You are painting in my view. I cannot wait to see where this path takes me in the near and/or distant future. You are a masterpiece.

I pray that in 2016 You help me to continuing growing into this person You have taken the mask off to uncover that I can finally call: "myself". You have helped me find myself and claim myself as someone I am happy to be and enjoy being. You have created this new personality, new mindset, new view, new attitude, new person... I can never thank You enough for being by my side throughout this uncovering and discovering. I was a complete mess in 2015, so much had occurred, but You never left my side even if I tried to push You away. Forgive me for being so hard headed and immature when it came to letting You in or coming to ou first instead. I never doubted You, nor will I ever doubt You, that is not the case... there isn't an excuse for my darkness and selfishness.

I pray You fill me with passion, determination, motivation, courage, and confidence in 2016. You have helped me to set my goals and see my dreams, I can already feel You fitting them into reality. I am so excited to see where these opportunities You have shown me will lead. I know I will be difficult in this process... I will get discouraged, I will think it's too much, I will overthink and even try to give up, but I pray that You keep me on track, no matter how stubborn I get. Maybe things won't work out, that is fine, it will teach me and prepare me for other things... that, I have to remember. You have a plan and I will stick to that.

I pray You continue to grow in me and speak not only to me, but through me to those in need. I know I have been more to myself these past few months when only thinking of myself while finding myself, but now that I am who You need me to be, or to start being, I now ask that I can inspire others the way that some have inspired me. Use me for You. Wherever, whenever, however. I will question if it is truly You speaking or not, I will ask for more signs, I apologize for that, but I want to be sure it is from You and not what I would want You to say. That is a difficulty I will always have and I ask that You help me in that, as well.

I am not praying for love this year. Honestly, I pray for no love this year. You have shown me love and You have taken it away from me, and I thank You for that. Again, I didn't realize it at the time what You were doing, but now that I do, I pray that you keep my mind open. Forgive me for not fully believing in the same kind of "love" that I'm supposed to or that is out there, but remind me that it is a possibility. I pray that You take me where I need to go, wherever that may be- settle me into the place You have set out for me, whatever that may be- and when I am ready will You give me the opportunity of a partner if that is what You have in store. If he is out there by chance, I ask that You are preparing him for me, but also preparing me for him. I pray that You not only guide us as individuals, but guide us as a pair as well, even if we aren't together yet.  

I know I have distanced myself maybe a little too far from people these past few months, in my mindset, if they aren't contributing to my growth that You have planted inside of me then I shouldn't continue to strive for a friendship that is only one sided. I pray in 2016, You show me who my true friends are... allow me to create new friendships, the ones that will truly last a lifetime. Open the doors to a new set of people whether it be at school, outside of class, at a workplace, or even just at random. I know I have never been good a friendships, but I pray that You bring me the right people to grow with. Surrounding myself with positive pearls.

I know this is a lot to pray for, and I know there will be a lot more to pray for, but entering into 2016, I want to start my year off right. I know so many people say "new year, new me" or "this year will be my year", but that is not the case for me... I want a new year, finally me, this is my year. Like I said, Father, I can already see You guiding me into the direction I have always dreamed, and even if You aren't, You are preparing me for the plan that You have made for me. I trust You. This is going to be an amazing journey and I cannot believe it is already here. Forgive me for my sins as the new year begins and I pray to be filled with freshness as we walk along this road.

In Your name I pray,

Amen.

My Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!! I hope it wasn't anything short of AMAZING! I know Christmas is a time for Santa, snow (except this year it was 70 degrees..... wow), family, food, and presents... I pray you all didn't look over the real reason of Christmas, which is about our Lord.

Though the days leading up to today have been overwhelming and stressful due to working two jobs every day while still trying to get everyone's gifts prepared and have time to actually sleep still getting over this illness, I genuinely enjoyed my holiday! I was able to spend time with my mom's side of the family on Wednesday night after work: the traditional dinner we have, games, and presents. Christmas Eve was a hot mess: work job #1, straight to job #2, straight to Christmas Eve Candle Light service at church (my absolute favorite), then my two grandmothers came to my house along with my sister and her husband to have finger foods. Once my grandmothers left, my immediate family exchanged parts of our gifts then watched The Santa Clause, of course, it's tradition! That leads us today, Christmas Day! My sister and her husband came back over because....... Santa came!! Yay!! We then all got ready and went up to my dad's side of the family for our traditional celebration there. It was so nice seeing both sides of the family, we all live such busy lives and live in different places, but I love being able to see them and enjoy the holidays with them! I hope you were able to do the same, family is such a blessing in disguise.

Now to the presents!! I was extremely blessed, as always, with the gifts I received. I take so much for granted and do not deserve any of the things I have, but I am so so thankful. My family knows me like a book, and of course spoiled me with things that fit me perfectly.

Photo #1: My sister got me the Simple Southern 1/3 zip navy, green, and pink pullover with elbow patches. I've never had anything with elbow patches before, too adorable. My mother then got me the Simply Southern navy, green, and pink long sleeved t-shirt to match, along with a SS air freshener for my car. I am absolutely obsessed with the jeep on the back of the t-shirt, maybe one day it will be mine... wishful thinking. Gotta love my southern stuff!

Photo #2: "In Case Of Emergency, Save The Shoes!" .... if this isn't me, I don't know what is. My sassy mother was spot on when she gave this to me. That's all I have to say about that one.

Photo #3: *had to hang it up to show the full effect* Black plush Adam Levine high-low cardigan. It's like putting on a cloud, so comfortable! This could easily be dressed up or down.

Photo #4: Though I couldn't get the full effect in the photo laying down or hanging up, this is a black and white tribal designed high-low tank. I usually am not a tank top type of person, I have to wear a jacket with it no matter what, but this one I can make an exception. It fits so perfectly and is such a soft material.

Photo #5: A casual white blouse with two pockets on each side of the chest, three-quarter length roll up sleeve, with a black and white simple infinity scarf! Perfect for one of my jobs. 

Photo #6: Okay, if you haven't seen Hayden Panettiere's Fabric Of Our Lives commercial where she is dancing around on the back of a truck bed at a bonfire in the crazy cute cardigan, you need to. I have been dying over a cardigan like that since the commercial aired, but never could find one. Opening this was the closest thing I have found to match it! Though she didn't have one with the fur, mine now tops hers. Funny thing is, Mama said on her shopping list for me, she wrote: "HP cardigan".... twins.

Photo #7: You may or may not know this yet about me, but the Hamsa is a big part of who I am... if you do not know what a Hamsa is, it symbolizes the hand of God protecting you from the evil eye. I have so many Hamsa things such as earrings, necklace, phone case, and now something to put on my desk. My sister bought this for me, which made is that much more special. I cannot wait to have my own desk at my future career and have this on there to remind me how blessed I am.

Photo #8: Mmmm, my favorite. Yankee Candle neutralizing beads in Midsummer's Night. I love candles, but these beads give off such a stronger scent that you don't have to remember to light or blow out. Midsummer's Night reminds me of Black Ice car fresheners (that I usually stock up on until I just got my SS one!). If you don't know what either smell like, my family says it smells like men's deodorant or cologne... oh well.

Photo #9: Again, shoes. Nothing can go wrong when dealing with shoes. This is a mini calendar full of fierce shoes and quotes from different designers. I actually picked this out myself just seeing the front of it, but once I looked at each month's photo, I didn't realize the quotes would be included. Cannot wait to start 2016 off right with this inspiration!

Photo #10: Yay, undies! I am usually a 7 for $27 gal, but Mommy got me these seamless Jessica Simpson undies that feel the exact same as VS. Don't worry, PINK, I'll be there next month, but a girl can never have enough cute undies. I also got these precious leg warmers, a soft grey with a beige frill on top that can be worn either side up.

Photo #11: Talk about a diva! These black and jaguar gloves are to die for. As we all know, the right type of glove is hard to find, but these lovelies fit just right and have just enough sass for the winter. Jaguar is also a way of life...

Photo #12: The one thing I actually asked for: a new flat iron straightener. Just like the rest of us, I somehow got roped into sitting in the kiosk chair at the mall while having someone play with my hair and the straightener... I actually fell in love with that straightener but couldn't bring myself to buy it. This is the same brand, but a step up from the one they used on my hair. HerStyler: Super Styler. Used it this morning, works like a charm.

Photo #13: Now this is a story... I almost always buy my purses at Charming Charlie's, they are great quality for no more than $35 each. One day while shopping there with my sister and mother, I fell in love with this bag... and when I say fell in love, I FELL IN LOVE. While everyone else bought things for themselves, I never bought the bag. When we went to the next shop, I decided I had to go back and buy this daggon purse, if not I would regret it, I would never be able to find one similar to it. Mama talked me out of it, but I still never got that bag out of my mind....... but what did I open on Christmas morning.... THE CHARMING CHARLIE'S LOVE OF MY LIFE. A pewter color base with creamy tan handles, along with an adorable lock accent. The long handle with the silver chain can be taken on or off, I decided to keep it on even if I never use it that way just because it makes the purse that much more classy.

Photo #14: Heels are a dream come true no matter what form. These are flawless black and white designed Christian Siriano's with a wooden heel, from Project Runway. I can't handle the design.

Photo #15: Again, you can never have enough heels. These are American Eagle brand, light brown, with an average sized heel/wedge with an open back. I have never had open backed heels before, so I am super excited to try these out. They will be perfect for next fall!

Photo #16: With the money I got from my Nannie for Christmas, I finallllllllly got my hands on Becca & Jaclyn Hill's Champagne Pop highlight... it is everything I imagined it would be and more! I knew it was going to be life changing, but now my dream has became reality by wearing it. I also got the Sephora perfect liquid foundation in the shade light/neutral 22... I kept going back and forth between this and Too Faced's Born This Way foundation, but a good friend of mine works at Sephora and recommended this foundation. I didn't even look at Born This Way. I am actually really pleased with the coverage and the texture of it. I would also recommend this to someone who wants a medium to full coverage but doesn't want to spend a whole whole lot, this was only $20! Sephora's personal brand gets looked over so much, yet their products are easily some of my favorites. When I went to check this out, on the counter were several different face masks, so of course I was eager to get one. The one I chose was the toning mask. Cannot wait to have a day off, stay in my PJs all day, watching a movie marathon with some coffee and cake, while soaking in this mask!

I also got 2 Starbucks gift cards from my boss and my aunt! Yummmm.

Photo #17: Last, but definitely not least, and probably the best: my amazingly crafted mother made me a mermaid fin snuggie blanket. How she did this, I will never understand, but in all honesty, I cried my eyes out when I opened it, don't ask me why... She did such a wonderful job making this and the fact that she did make it is so incredibly special to me. She took so much time to work on this for me and that she actually thought of me to being creating it in the first place is such an honor. Homemade gifts are taken for granted, but to me, homemade gifts are so much more valuable than anything else in the world. This was my favorite gift of the season. It is official, I am now an actual mermaid!!

*things not in photos: money, Justin Bieber's Purpose CD, L.A. Colors red gel polish, a journal with a Ghandi quote on the cover (love him), socks, and candy. My mom also ordered a mermaid necklace with a pearl that hasn't come in yet, cannot wait to wear it!!

Again, I hope each and every one of you had a great holiday with family no matter what you celebrate. If I don't talk to you before then, have a great and safe New Years! 2016 is just a week away!!!

Xoxo.

A letter to...

My best friend sent me a link to "an open letter to my best friend's future husband", so I decided to make my own rendition of this letter, but to her future husband...

Dear you,

I have probably waited for you just as long, if not longer than she has... so this letter has been a long time coming. Whether you've been around the entire time or if you came into our lives down the road, you have definitely been the topic of most of our conversations for majority of our friendship and will be a main topic for the rest of our lives. She has dreamed of you all of her life, I have dreamed of you since she came into mine. We have talked about anything and everything when it comes to you from the way your hair is parted to the annoying habits you have or the sweet things you say. Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me, because let's be honest, she can't not tell me, right? If you didn't know, you do now. We talk about EVERYTHING when it comes to you, trust me. We don't necessarily "judge" you, but be aware of what you do, my friend. I know you know what you're getting yourself into when it comes to her, but there's things you may not know. The love of your life is also the love of my life. She will always be my top priority, whether you and I get along or not, I will always be around. I know you think you may know her like a book, but there is nobody in this world that knows her better than I do. She can be opinionated, she is competitive, she is the life of the party but know she needs time to herself too, she has such a kind heart, she is sensitive whether she shows it or not, but she is so strong whether she knows it or not. Nothing gets past her so don't try, trust me, her and I together can dig up anything. She is definitely one in a million, so you are lucky she let you in... keep her. I know she will show you a new side of life, and I pray that you do the same for her. Remind her she is beautiful, never stop showing her you care, surprise her, show your support even if you don't understand the situation, agree with her because we both know she will get her way anyways. Out of all the advice I can give you, the one thing I ask of you is that you never give up on her love. She is a tough soul and she has opened up to you, that isn't something that is easy for her, she has had a past, so respect her and love her more each day. You may not have believed me when I said I've waited for you as well, but it's true. She was mine before she was yours, I've seen every side of her and I know how much she already loves you whether you are present in our lives or not, she deserves this happiness and love, and I am so blessed that she found that in you. I may be bitter that I have to share my best friend, and I will need my fair share, but if you mean that much to her, you mean that much to me. Thank you for finding her and sweeping her off her feet.

Best wishes,

Macy Jo

Xoxo.

Soulmates: myth or majestic?

Everyone hears about finding your "soulmate" or having a "person" (which is the same thing from what it sounds), but are soulmates even a true compatibility anymore or has society just taught our generation that in order to be happy we must rely on someone else to bring that joy into our lives and continue to walk through life with them. This can be a very touchy subject for some, but it is one my biggest pet peeves. I am still young and there is so much for me to learn, but I have already learned more than I would have guessed at this age and have been taught things by my family growing up, as well.

What is a soulmate? A soulmate is the love of your life. Someone you can always turn to. Someone you can't live without, and if you do have to live without them, you always seem to have the exact same feeling every time their name is even mentioned. You are drawn to each other. You can sit in a silent room with each other and be more than content. You can be a crowded room and only feel like it's only the two of you. You can tell your deepest thoughts to and your biggest dreams. You can you, highs and lows. Someone you can spend every day for the rest of your life with and grow happier and more in love each day leading to that. The "movies" type situations that you always drooled over, but in real life.

As you guys have already learned, I was in a pretty major relationship for almost 4 years that I truly believed the guy was my "soulmate"... why did I think he was the "one"? Because it was there, it was safe. We grew up together since we were children, we had similar interests, we could be ourselves with not only each other but each other's families, we worked together, we went to school together, we came home together, we were always around. His laugh was my favorite sound. His eyes lit up the room. He was my backbone. He was my best friend. We were... us. You couldn't say one of our names without the other's following. I would have done anything for him, and still would, but growing up, things change... people change... situations change. We would fight like cats and dogs, but at the end of the day, our "love" couldn't tear us apart. We broke up 3 times, and for some reason, we always gravitated back towards each other.. fate? soulmates? comfort? love? I would have adored for this guy to be what people call their "soulmate" to live the rest of my life with like we had planned at this young age with the ring he gave me and all, but reality set in, and set in fast. College set in. We went to separate schools. Though we did try to make the distance work... we grew up, but we grew into totally different people than we were the year before when we were with each other. We found ourselves, but unfortunately we found ourselves away from each other. Now it's hard to see him as the same person I spent a big part of my life with. Losing him was one of the hardest things I'll ever have to deal with *hopefully, but losing him also taught me how to love myself. This is one thing I never knew how to do. This also taught me that "soulmates" don't have to be a necessity. I learned how to move forward and be happy doing it. To all of my friends who ask me for advice about their ex, or getting the person they want, or even just what they should do in a situation with their partner, this one is for you all...:

Relationships are not a necessity. Love can happen, it probably will happen, but let it happen on it's own. If you want something/someone, sure, go for it! But if you get shut down, cool, at least you tried. If you get broken up with, move forward, they obviously left you for a reason for themselves, don't give them the benefit to come in and out of your life whenever they choose... they are going to move on and you're going to kick yourself for it, but it's truly nothing you can do about it, if you want it- go for it- try to get them back- but don't you dare let them control you whenever they feel the need. Don't continue to try to prove to them, they aren't listening. They will realize one day, and you won't be there... that's on them. They can't be worth that hurt to continue to drag yourself down just to get their attention. Karma will come if it is needed, let it take it's toll. Never talk badly about an ex, at one point they were your world, and deep down they still might be, but never disrespect them because they weren't the one for you. You don't have to be with someone in order to be happy, be happy with yourself. Trust me, it's possible. Our generation believes that you have to have someone by your side at all times in order to live life to the fullest or find the "one" as soon as you can. You don't. You can't. You shouldn't. You shouldn't have to depend solely on someone else for your life, and honestly, that is what so many people have be accustomed to do. Break this chain! Find something you love to do, be you/be that and focus on nothing but that. I always wonder if I will be able to find that type of love again that I described before, if I even wanted to, if I had such a strong love and it wasn't lasting- then what is in store?... and still debating it, I realized, I am in absolutely no rush to even try to find it. For some reason, people are confused by this. They don't understand what it is like to be alone because they have never done it, they won't do it. But for me, I have so many things I want to do in my life, that I want to see, that I want to accomplish, and yes I could do these things with a man by my side, but until God brings him to me, I can accomplish this by myself. I love being alone. You don't have rules or obligations. You learn so much about yourself, but also what else life offers. You get so hung up in someone that you don't realize what is actually going on inside or outside of the other person. Timing is a key factor... be patient. Be alone. Find happiness.

What is happiness? Happiness is something you throw yourself into, you lose yourself in, you find yourself in. The warm feeling in your heart. It could last for two seconds or 20+ years, it could be something silly like getting a new phone or it could be something major like landing your dream job. It could be the person you find in life, but you also have to know when to give/take that happiness or when to keep it for yourself alone.

Ultimately, I feel as if "soulmates" are out there for every one, whether you are lucky enough to meet them, keep them, or even lose them, is the question. Be patient. Find yourself first. Learn about what you need in life and need in a partner... don't settle just because you feel like you have to. Society shouldn't tell you what you have to do in life or with someone. We are young! Live your life! Be alone while you can. I am stubborn enough to drag this out as long as I can, but only because I know my worth and will not settle for anything less than I want, need, or deserve... I am happy with myself and growing in myself because I finally learned how. Once you learn about yourself and how to love yourself, you won't even begin to think of a relationship either. Be confident, be patient, but be trusting. Go out and enjoy, but never lose sense of who you are. I believe in you!

Xoxo.