I know, I know, I said I would only post once on Tuesdays and Fridays, but I cannot keep this in for another three days! Why should I restrict myself on my own page? Sike. What, it's been a few hours since I last posted, and already so much has gone on, and already this blog is my safe haven (if only Josh Duhamel saved me like he does in the movie, but moving on..)
Let me start off by saying, this blog is not going to be me venting, I am just speaking exactly how I feel whenever I feel and hoping you learn from my experiences in some form or fashion (yay fashion!).
I strongly believe in calling myself a "Queen" and believe every strong lady out there should, as well. I strongly believe in "slaying", and again, believe everyone out there should as well. I started doing this over the summer, I had the worst heartbreak I will probably (and hopefully) ever go through... but it didn't destroy me like I thought it would, why? Because I turned into a queen. I had a whole new mindset, I became a whole new person, my life changed instantly, because I wanted it to. I lost who I thought was my soulmate, I lost who I thought was my best friend, and I lost who I used to be. Losing these three people, and being called the "brat" and "b*tch" that I was, taught me that I truly did need this change. I would win and I wouldn't stop winning. I would slay and I wouldn't care who stayed or left, I would follow who I truly was and what I needed. That is when I finally found myself. Most of you know, and if you don't, let me inform you really quickly that I suffer from depression and anxiety, I have had suicide thoughts, I have skipped classes consecutively for days and days, I have shut everyone out. My hands shake from past panic attacks. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me dealing with it, it will hit at any time, and though I still struggle with it, it has been nowhere near where it had been living ever since I have committed to this new lifestyle and became who I am right now. You may have never thought that because I try to hide it so much, or you might see through my "I'm fine" lies, but it's time to own who I am to you all.
Now, let me define what being a "queen" really is. A queen, to me, is a woman who is strong in everything she does. (and guys, be kings). She doesn't let anyone or anything get to her, she knows her worth and will not take anything less than she deserves. She has ambition and won't stop until she gets what she wants. She has no filter and will speak her mind, risky or safe. No, she is not heartless, but she knows how to control her feelings (or the feelings that she has) and only lets her walls down for ones who deserve it, who deserve her presence. Be happy and positive, because you deserve to.
Slaying, basically the same thing. Owning exactly who you are and being confident in everything you do, say, or feel. If you want to wake up with a messy bun (and not the cute messy bun you tried 37 times to get, I mean the greasy left over pony tail you had in the night before, got up and left messy bun) and start your day, slay that laziness.. if you want to wake up, spend almost two hours doing your hair and makeup and wearing heels to class (make fun of me all you want, I'll never stop wearing heels to class), then slay that divaness. Whatever you want to do or be, be confident in that. Don't you dare let anyone or anything alter that or try to make you feel bad for it.
People will come in and out of your life, whether you allow that door to be dead bolted shut or not is ultimately up to you. How someone treats you is how they seem themselves, remember that. If they are able to walk out from your life without worry, girl, let themmmmm! Sure, they may regret it later, come crawling to you for forgiveness, but wait, won't they just do it again? Yeah, I learned that the hard way, by too many people. But turning into the queen I am today, my door is only opened for the vip. Be strong enough to learn how to leave these peasants on the other side.
I adore reading. Right now I am in the middle of a fabulous book called, "You are A Badass", the author, Jen, goes into detail on how we cannot let others tell us who we are, we tell them. (cough cough, being queen). But first you have to tell yourself. Ask yourself: who do I look up to, why do I look up to them? would I really be happy living in their shoes? if so, how do I get there? where do I want to be, why? how do I get there? if I could have absolutely any one thing in the world without question, what would I have? let me go get it. I am a firm, firm, FIRM believer on "if you want it- go get it", yeah sure, "timing is everything" but why would you wait to see if time allows it? Go for it now, keep it longer, right?! Jen, in this book, talks about your subconscious and how much control it thinks it has, but it doesn't. Our subconscious mind is just a reflection of what we were taught when we were younger, they are so-called beliefs we tend to cling to, but in all honesty, are myths. You have power to change your perspective of your reality, you have the power to believe anything you want. Nothing is impossible, yet the minute you do doubt yourself and your goals, then it is impossible. How she explained it was perfect: we have all had that dream we are flying, but then we realize, wait, I can't fly, then we crash down... but if we instead said, heck yes, I'm flying, we would continue on that high. Think so highly of yourself and it will be hard to disappoint yourself. You always slay, boo! Remember that!
I can't stand negative people stuck in something they want to be stuck in... your girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with you and they found someone new or are messing around with the guy/girl you were suspicious of? Yeah, it hurts, trust me, but you sitting there dwelling about it isn't going to make them come back? If it is going to bring them back, ha, lie again. If this happens, please don't go for the first human you see as a replacement... finding someone true is a process and a hard journey, but finding happiness in general isn't. I found happiness in soooo many other healthier and more successful options, now, guys and relationships are the last thing on my mind, honestly, I'm not even sure it's on the list in my mind. I think too highly to lower my standards for friends, let alone a guy. I am definitely not saying you won't miss them, or want them back, you will, it will take time to move on, if ever, it will change you completely, but never look at yourself like it was your fault they left... lift your head, babe, don't let someone make your crown fall off your head. A friend of mine asked me tonight, "why is it you're not interested in dating? is it because of your ex?", and honestly, no, it's not because of him, yeah it might have started out that way, but if he is happy doing what he is doing, great, I loved him for a reason, but I'm not going to down myself just because we aren't a match. The reason I'm not out "looking" for a mate is because I have come to the reality of who I am and what I want and where I am going, I'm not stopping until I get that. That is why I am a queen. I'm not going around kissing frogs to find that Prince Charming, when God sees that I am settled where I want to be, and has someone prepared, I will, but as of right now, I adore being just me! (plus it's a lot easier being the diva I am).
I'm challenging all of my readers, female and male, be a queen/king for a week. Change your whole attitude. Wake up tomorrow, blast your favorite song, start the day with the mindset that you are a b.a.b. and no one is standing in your way today! SMILE. LAUGH. If there is something you've always wanted to do, do it this week without question, you deserve the world. Put aside the thoughts that have been eating you alive, take one thing at a time or realize it's not even worth worrying about because you are priority. I promise after even one day of having this new alter-ego, it will become who you are and your life will change so positively because being confident is the key to success. Let your queen-self out and slay these peasants.
Xoxo.
